you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize