I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
