I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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