Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
