he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
