Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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