Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
