What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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