he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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