We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize