He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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