I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
