Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
