Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
