I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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