My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
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I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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