Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
