she was so not down for the gang bang
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
