i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
