No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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