We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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