Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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