exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
