his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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