There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
