Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i think im in europe. pls send help
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
