After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
