I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
