can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
