Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
