you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
