went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
