Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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