my mouth tastes like poor choices
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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