I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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