Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
