He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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