we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
