I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can I color on your dick again?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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