aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize