omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
