Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
