look no pants
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize