my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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