do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
