There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
