I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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