i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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