I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wanna go halves on a baby?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
