Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize