Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize