I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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