david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
