you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
