So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
