Hey man sorry I got all grabby
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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