I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
