Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Blow job season was short but glorious.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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