If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
