haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
