Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
