yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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