i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
