Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
