The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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