Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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