If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed