My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia