at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony