I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out